Language constantly evolves as communication modernizes and changes depending on lifestyles and social trends. Many phrases that were once perfectly acceptable for teenage and adult boomers (born in the ’40s, ’50s, and ’60s) have now become outdated, irrelevant, and even offensive. Here are 20 such old-fashioned phrases, with suggestions on what to say instead.
“That’s so gay!”
This used to be a common way to express that something was uncool, unpopular, strange, or poorly designed. However, “gay” is now used to describe someone who identifies as homosexual or has same-sex romantic relationships, so it’s offensive to use the term in such a negative way. Try saying “That’s lame” or “That’s not cool” as alternatives.
“Man up!”
LinkedIn asserts that this phrase is now unwelcome in modern society and comments, “The days of suppressing emotions are past us.” Implying that men or boys shouldn’t feel sad or have other ‘feminine’ emotions is primitive and damaging. Instead, try encouraging someone to talk about their feelings and offer practical suggestions, encouragement, or support.
“Bless your heart.”
This is generally an endearing and well-meant expression in the South, but it’s increasingly viewed as sickly and can even be misconstrued as patronizing or insincere. Depending on the tone of voice, this expression can be a genuine compliment or a backhanded insult, so it’s best to avoid ambiguity altogether and say something like, “You are so thoughtful!”
“Senior moment.”
The term “senior moment” usually refers to times of forgetfulness or failure for older people, implying that their cognitive abilities have declined through age and they are prone to moments of inadequacy. While it’s true that our minds do age, it’s ageist and stereotypical to assume that seniors always make mistakes due to their age—they might be stressed, distracted, or just human!
“You people”
This phrase is frequently used to dismiss or insult an entire generation, race, or cultural group. For example, “You people don’t work hard enough!” It’s far better to focus on individuality—if someone is lazy, so be it, but don’t assume that trait has anything to do with their age or ethnicity. It’s best to avoid group stereotypes and generalizations altogether.
“Real men/women don’t…”
Please! There’s no such thing as a ‘real’ man or woman—people are individuals, and each has their own strengths, skills, weaknesses, and things they do and don’t enjoy. You don’t need to do a particular activity or wear a specific color to be ‘correctly’ male or female. You could say something more inclusive, like “Some people prefer…” or “There’s nothing wrong with…”
“That’s what the internet is for.”
While the internet is a valuable resource, there is no substitute for generational knowledge and shared experiences. A study published by the NIH found that older people are wiser than younger ones, and it was beneficial to both generations when youthful curiosity was met with honest explanations rather than dismissal. If you know the answer, tell them!
“Work smarter, not harder.”
The overall message this phrase is trying to convey is still relevant, i.e., don’t waste time on inefficient methods if small changes can help streamline tasks. However, some jobs simply require hard work, grit, and determination, and some workers are already working as ‘smartly’ as possible. Instead of undermining effort, acknowledge it with a “Well done for working hard.”
“Back in my day…”
Telling stories about the past can be enlightening and a great bonding experience for younger family members, but try to be mindful of your audience and their mood. If a young person is struggling with a modern problem, don’t leap in with irrelevant stories of past diversities. Listen, find common ground, and acknowledge the limitations of your own youthful experiences.
“Boys will be boys.”
It is not okay to be reckless, insulting, sexually predatory, or destructive just because you possess a Y chromosome! This outdated phrase enables poor behavior in boys or men by implying that they ‘can’t help it’ or are simply acting naturally given their sex. Hold males and females responsible for their actions, and don’t expect one sex to act in a certain way.
“You can’t handle the truth.”
According to Ripple Com, this harsh phrase was famously used by Jack Nicholson’s dominating character in the 1992 film A Few Good Men but has not aged well. It’s a confrontational and unpleasant way to assert that your criticism or unique viewpoint is correct without allowing room for explanation. Try something more constructive, like, “I have some feedback…” or “Perhaps you could…”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
This dismissive phrase is almost as bad as the religious alternative, “It’s all part of God’s plan.” When bad things happen to good people, don’t imply that there’s some kind of benefit to it when there isn’t. Focus on offering emotional support and sympathy, and let them know you’re there for them should they need you. You could say, “That’s really tough, but I’m here for you.”
“Snap out of it!”
Telling someone who is depressed or heartbroken to simply ‘snap out of it’ is overly dismissive and even somewhat callous. Depression is a serious mental health condition that requires medical treatment and therapy to be effectively treated, as well as an excellent support network of friends and family. Try to validate their feelings and the seriousness of the situation.
“Life isn’t fair.”
No, life isn’t fair, but pointing out this fact when someone feels wronged or persecuted is not helpful. Try not to point out how harsh life can be when a loved one is upset or struggling. Instead, acknowledge their struggle, sympathize with their feelings of inequality, and offer encouragement. You could say, “That’s frustrating, and it shouldn’t be this way. Can I help?”
“You’re too sensitive.”
Sensitive Refuge asserts that it’s time to retire this outdated and overly dismissive phrase. If a person feels emotions more acutely than you do, don’t label them as overly sensitive and move on. Even if you don’t share their strength of feeling, try to empathize and understand how they experience the world. Otherwise, they may avoid confiding in you and seek support elsewhere.
“Those were the good old days.”
The past wasn’t always great for everyone, and older people tend to look back on it with rose-tinted spectacles that conveniently erase the more challenging aspects. Modernization has improved many aspects of society, and this phrase can be incredibly insensitive to those people or groups who faced discrimination or hardship in the past.
“That’s just the way things are.”
Hmmmm. This phrase is very discouraging and implies that bad things always persist and good people cannot instigate change or make a difference. Don’t use discouraging language when someone wants to challenge the status quo or work towards positive change. As an alternative, try saying, “That’s how it’s always been done, but it definitely needs improving.”
“Get over it.”
Like many old-fashioned expressions that react to negative emotions, this one is also dismissive and unhelpful. Don’t minimize a problem or ignore someone’s feelings of sadness, guilt, or anger. Offer empathy and emotional support, and encourage them to think about the issue in a new light without downplaying the seriousness of any hurt feelings.
“You’re just young; you’ll learn.”
No one likes a smug or condescending know-it-all, so never use this patronizing term—no matter how old or wise you think you are. Young people have different experiences and perspectives and live in a modern world with different challenges. Take their struggles and concerns seriously, and offer insight based on your own experiences.
“Don’t worry, be happy.”
This is easier said than done when you’ve suffered a serious life event like a romantic break-up, personal loss, career setback, or financial strain. Happiness is certainly a worthwhile goal, but it’s not something we can simply choose when life is challenging and traumatizing. You could say, “I understand why you feel sad/angry/frustrated” or “Let’s talk about what’s upsetting you.”