The spirit of southern gatherings is often characterized by flexibility and spontaneity. Rules may be bent to accommodate the preferences and comfort of guests. The priority is creating memorable, enjoyable experiences rather than rigidly adhering to silly etiquette.
Always Use Utensils for Every Meal
In the South, it’s perfectly acceptable to eat certain foods with your hands, such as fried chicken or barbecue. You’re supposed to be enjoying the food and the company rather than strictly adhering to utensil use. This isn’t fine dining!
Never Put Elbows on the Table
Get comfortable, because you’ll be sitting there chatting for a while. We know it’s typically considered rude to put your elbows on the table, but no one is judging while sharing a laugh over some sweet tea.
Never Arrive Without a Formal Invitation
“Front porches were designed with drop-ins in mind,” says Southern Living. Southerners are known for their open-door policy, where friends and neighbors are welcome to drop by without a formal invitation or even a heads-up phone call. Pie and coffee will always be served.
Always RSVP for Casual Gatherings
If you haven’t caught on by now, it’s all about community, so just like you don’t need a formal invitation to show up, you don’t need a formal reply when invited. A verbal confirmation or a simple “y’all come” is often considered sufficient.
Always Address Others with Formal Titles
Children may be brought up to say Ms. and Mr. followed by a last name or, more commonly, a first, but adults don’t follow the same rules. Southerners do mind their manners with “yes, sir” and “no, ma’am,” which tells you respect is important, but being on a first-name basis is friendlier, which is better in the South. Also, don’t be surprised if a stranger calls you “honey” or “darlin’”; it’s a term of endearment, so just give ‘em a smile.
Strictly Adhere to Dress Codes
If you put “dressy casual” as your dress code, expect everything from their nicest blue jeans and a clean shirt to their Sunday best. When you’ve got southern belles and country boys on your guest list, you should know the dress code will be open to interpretation. Also, it doesn’t matter that your party is in the middle of October; if it’s nice out, white pants are still acceptable, says the Emily Post Institute.
Never Bring Uninvited Guests
Of course, you can bring your old college roommate, who happens to be in town! Bringing a friend or relative to gatherings is often seen as a gesture of goodwill and always welcomed. Unless it’s a wedding or something where the host pays by pre-set headcount, there is room for one or five more.
Strictly Follow Seating Arrangements
We’ve all seen dinners where the host sits at the head of the table and the hostess is politely seated at the other end. A female guest of honor is seated by the host, the male guest of honor is seated by the hostess, and males and females are staggered, with couples not seated together, according to Etiquipedia. In the South, “sit where ya want and make yourselves comfortable” is far more common.
Never Serve Yourself First
In the South, it’s common for the host to encourage guests to serve themselves first, especially at casual or buffet-style meals, says Little Bleu Studio. The host wants to make guests feel at home and cared for and will generally be the last to grab something to eat. They may even wait until everyone has had their fill.
Always Wait for Everyone to Be Served Before Eating
It may seem like the polite thing to do, but you want to get that fried chicken while it’s hot. Waiting for everyone to be served in a large group is not always practical. So grab your plate and dig in. But do wait for everyone to get their first plate before going for seconds.
Never Discuss Personal Matters at the Table
Please spill the tea! Personal stories and discussions are often the heart of southern table conversations. The dinner table is a place for both laughter and serious discussions; this is the close-knit nature of southern communities.
Always Use a Napkin on Your Lap
Keeping the napkin in your lap is just asking you to move your BBQ sauce to your clothes. If you’re at a formal dinner table, yes, keep your napkin in your lap. But when you’re eating any food described as “finger-licking good,” just grab a roll of paper towels and keep them by your side; you’ll need them.
Never Take Leftovers Home
“Y’all make a to-go plate!” Taking leftovers home is often seen as a compliment to the host’s cooking in the South. And let’s get real, they don’t want all those leftovers going to their refrigerator to die.
Always Dress Formal for Church
Your Sunday best is precisely that: your Sunday best. With communities in the South being a perfect blend of blue and white collars, churches have adopted a come-as-you-are mentality, so don’t worry if you’re coming in overalls or a three-piece suit; you’ll be welcome in the pew.
Never Interrupt Others
While interrupting is generally seen as rude, it’s often a sign of engagement and interest in lively southern conversations. Conversational overlaps are typical in the enthusiastic and expressive communication style, so don’t be shy!
Always Leave a Party Early
Hosts love guests who stay to help clean up or simply to enjoy extended conversations.
On the other hand, leaving too early can sometimes be perceived as not enjoying the gathering. Go ahead and make yourself at home and stay until the cows come home.
Never Help Yourself to a Drink
You’ll likely be offered a drink the second you walk in, but once you’ve been to a southerner’s home, you’re like family. You know where the refrigerator is, so just grab a Coke or lemonade when thirsty!